Invader Zim Tactics Advance
by Kayi Rowling
Summary: In an alternate universe, a female Irken invader is sent to Earth, where a female paranormal investigator begins bothering her around… GIR is still the same! (Note: Title has nothing to do with the story, but I liked the way it sounded)
1. Introduction

Chapter 1: **Introduction**

Disclaimer: I don't own "Final Fantasy Tactics Advance" (from where the title is, and nothing more), neither "Invader Zim."

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Note: The title has nothing to do with the story, but I liked the way it sounded...

And almost all the chapters will have two titles.

Rated for language, violence, stupidity, and mentions of $€.

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Well, hi!

Please, PLEASE, read the story.

If you want to review, it's more than fine (the more, the merrier).

And if you want to send me an e-mail, check at the ending of my BIO.

That's all...

Bye!


	2. Operation Impending Doom part two 1, or ...

Chapter 2: **Operation Impending Doom part two (1), or We are full of flashbacks**

A lonely ship wandered the space.

It was very little for the passenger inside, but it had been the only thing she could manage to steal from the spaceship parking lot.

She had received the news of a new part of the famous Operation Impending Doom beginning that same day.

**Flashback**

The almost very tall Irken female was at the kitchen, watching after some fries her boss had left her to watch after.

Two of her companions entered the kitchen, getting rid of their typical cooking outfit and preparing themselves for their free hour.

She overheard a little of their conversation while taking out the fries.

"They're going to begin a second phase of that Operation Impending Doom again," said one of them, the shortest. "Next week, I think."

"Do you think it will be a disaster again?" said the other, that even if he was tall, he didn't reach our dear female attending the fries.

"I don't know, and I don't care."

"Me neither," he responded, opening the back door. "Hey, let's go to the new pizza at the other corner, ok?"

"Ok."

Then, they left her there, the fries getting cold, and her mind already thinking of a good escape plan.

**Back to the present**

She wondered if she could manage to get to planet Conventia in time...

"Holy shit, if only they hadn't destroyed the left engine while I was trying to get away, I would be already at Conventia!" she cursed at the security guards.

**Flashback**

She jumped out from the back window and ran towards the spaceship parking lot, thanking the darkness that had fallen after a blackout over the entire planet, similar to the one she had caused in Devastis once.

She tried to localize a spaceship enough big for her, but soon discovered they all had alarm.

"Shit!"

She could hear footsteps approaching the parking lot, so she took the first ship she could open, a very little one (of course, without alarm), and turned it on.

The guards entered the dark parking lot and saw a little ship rising from between two really big ships.

"Shoot! Have no mercy!" ordered the leader.

The guards shot, and only managed to blow up one engine.

She managed to get control over the damaged ship again, and then flew away from their reach, without being followed.

**Back to the present**

Her magenta eyes, framed by thick black eyelashes, wandered from here to there, looking at all the controls and the map at the little screen that showed her and Conventia's position in space.

"Irken voot approaching," announced in a monotonous voice the computer, a little spot appearing behind her own spot at the screen.

"Mmm," the Irken female looked like she was in deep thought, but wasn't. "Do I seem like I care?"

"No," the computer answered. "I was only informing."

"Then inform me about more important things, like how to arrive planet Conventia on time for the Great Assigning."

"There's a wormhole near that can leave you near, if you care about that."

The female Irken smirked, her straight-lined curled antennae (like Tak's) lowering a little.

"Coordinates," she asked the computer.

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Female Irken Tallest Blue and Pink were already finishing with the damn Great Assigning: Blue couldn't wait until she was already far away from such great amount of incompetent Irken invaders at the Massive, and Pink wanted to order some new silver ribbons for her complete spiraled antennae (like the things clocks have inside and that tend to bounce).

Tallest Blue was, as usual, wearing her green and black invader uniform, along with that cold expression that characterized her traumatized self.

**Flashback**

Aly was ready for the Irken Armada to arrive to the planet she had just conquered, when suddenly, some of the defeated habitants of the planet disconnected all her machines and took her against her will to the GGWV (Great Green Water Volcano).

"Take me down, you inferior and stupid beings!" Aly began trying to get them to release her, but everything was useless.

Her green eyes looked down at the green water of the GGWV and, screaming, she was thrown into the volcano.

The acidic water not only burned her skin, but also part of the spiral of her antennae and her thick black eyelashes.

The worst part of it all was...

Well, by some reason they had changed her name to Blue, right?

**Back to the present**

Blue's sky blue eyes looked down at the tiniest Irken invader she had ever seen, and elbowed Pink, who was saying good-bye to the last invader they had assigned.

Pink looked down at the poor little beetle with her warm, bubble gum pink eyes.

"He's so cute!" she said, a big stupid smile appearing in her face.

"You'll be sent to planet... Mmm..." Blue walked towards the big map behind them in the scenario, and looked for a miscellaneous place that wasn't marked. "Planet Lloom" (check for pronunciation here).

"But... but..." began the tiny excuse of an Irken. "That's a Yukruk colony! It's suicide!"

**Flashback**

The Irkens were just beginning to be a strong race, conquering planets here and there.

One stupid, bad luck day, they came to a planet that had previously been conquered by the Yukruk race (race where the males were the ones who had the offspring, and that looked like a bad excuse of mutant spiders).

The Irkens managed to conquer that planet, and the Yukruk queen sent an army to attack Irk; they killed three fourths of the females, in times where the Irkens reproduced sexually (and the females were the ones who had the offspring).

The result was a weakening in the Irken new empire that lasted for several years, until they managed to domain the art of cloning.

Stupidly enough, and without any info about their enemies, the Irkens attacked in the same way (exterminating the females), but nothing horrible happened to the Yukruks.

Since those unhappy days, they began a horrible war between their races to conquer the entire universe and kill each other.

**Back to the present**

"I know," said Blue, feigning a sweet, compressive look. "Next!"

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The almost tall Irken female crashed against the poor surface of the planet Conventia.

"'The wormhole path is safe'," she quoted the computer as she managed to open the ship. "Yeah, sure!"

"The wormhole path was safe, the landing is another completely different thing," said the computer.

"Yeah, sure," she repeated, getting out from the ship with a light jump and closing it.

The magenta eyed female walked towards the populated part, not to far away from her crashing spot, fortunately.

"Hope the Great Assigning isn't over yet," she whispered as she reached one of the backdoors of the big building, knowing the guards could catch her and get her back to that horrible fast-food planet.

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"The Great Assigning is over!" exclaimed Pink, rising her arms and closing her eyes in joy, the present Irkens applauding or cheering.

"That means that for the next one you must get to train better, you great, stinky, useless ball of...!" began Blue, everyone shutting up, but a yell interrupted her.

"Wait! I haven't been assigned yet!" yelled a slightly tall female Irken, approaching from the right hand of the Tallest.

They could identify her quickly...

"Zem!" shrieked Pink.

**Flashback... and if you're tired of them, then skip the chapter**

The little training planet Devastis was being visited by the Tallest (not Pink neither Blue) along with two females: Irken invader Aly (still not called Blue, thought her eyes already are that color), who had went as bodyguard, and the female Ine (Pink, for the ignorant), who was taking notes.

The two females were near of reaching the male Tallest in height, and that wasn't very good for neither of them three...

He, unfortunately, liked them because they were kind of nice, so he would never think about killing them as past Tallest had done with other Irkens.

Well, back to the visit in Devastis.

The Tallest and his companions were wandering around the training rooms, checking the invaders-in-training and their progress.

"They are too slow," Aly whispered.

"What matters is quality," said the Tallest (I admire his wisdom).

Ine took notes.

"What about her?" asked Aly to the Tallest, pointing at Ine.

"She's not an invader, and she's good at her work."

And just when Aly was about to say something else, and Ine began a new page of notes in her electronic notebook, the electricity went off in the half of the planet where they were.

"Shit!" said Aly.

"What happened?" asked the Tallest.

"My Tallest, watch out!" yelled Ine, pulling Aly with her (was the only one at her reach).

A giant announcement turned off screen was falling from the sky, and it hit the unfortunate Tallest, squashing him like a little bug.

"My Tallest!" screamed both Ine and Aly.

**On to another flashback, a little bit more advanced**

"This is the one who caused the blackout in Devastis," announced a security guard to the two new female Tallest.

Two other guards, coming after him, were dragging a medium sized Irken female that looked offended at the accusation.

"I didn't!" she said.

"Yes, you did," said the security guard again, taking out a CD. "Here's the evidence, my Tallest."

He offered the CD at Blue, who ordered a tiny Irken to put it in the computer and turn on the screen.

The videos of the security cameras told that the Irken female was guilty of the blackout; it all occurred while trying to buy a snack (couldn't think of anything more original).

"Eh, look," said Pink, pointing at a point in one of the screens. "There's someone trapped there... Had you rescued him yet?"

"What?" asked the security guards.

"That's not important now, Pink," said Blue. "Let's punish this girl over here... We'll send you to..."

"Hey, wait! Aren't I supposed to be sent to a trial and then judged?" asked the accused female Irken, interrupting Tallest Blue.

"I don't think so..." answered Blue.

**Back to present at last**

"What the fuck are you doing here?" asked Blue.

"I came for the Great Assigning," Zem answered, jumping up to the scenario-like place where the Tallest were.

"You were not invited," said Pink (Happy Noodle Boy! Check the ending for explanations).

"How's that?" asked Zem. "I was an important part of Operation Impending Doom part one!"

Blue and Pink looked at each other, eyes narrowed (Pink tends to go smart in crisis).

**Another flashback**

Zem had escaped from her exile at Dirt when she heard about the Operation Impending Doom part one.

She also wanted to fly away because her cleaning mate was the demon under the name of Tuk (yeah!), who seemingly wanted to ruin her life.

Once in planet Conventia and after a not so warm welcome, that included several electroshocks from the security guards and Pink's shrieks of terror, Blue announced:

"Well, as you have been exiled to Dirt without trial, let's judge you by the way you make it in this Great Assigning."

They gave her the control of a robot trio and a little group of Irken soldiers.

But what a mess it resulted, as she did never left the planet and began destroying it around with the robots (more originality, right?).

After that, she was sent to that horrible fast-food planet (don't know its name).

**Back to the present, hoping no more flashbacks come**

Blue looked at Zem with really cold eyes, and Pink elbowed her suddenly.

"What the...?" began Blue, but Pink turned her around.

"Let's give her a chance," said Pink.

"What?! Have you gone crazy?!"

"No, I haven't, but there's no other choice."

"Explain."

"Let's give her a fake mission for her alone, at invented coordinates, and..."

"You go smart when in crisis, right?"

"Yes, but let's keep planning..."

Zem looked at the Tallest's backs and waited for them to turn around again.

The Tallest turned around and smiled at Zem.

"Zem, we have a special mission for you," said Pink.

"Yes," confirmed Blue, stepping forward. "And very important too..."

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Author's notes:

How nice, my first chapter finished at last!

Very long, yes, but who cares!

It's the greatest (longest) thing I had ever written in English!

Oh, my, I love myself...

Please, keep reading and review!


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